All Forum Posts made by Devildude

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  1. Devildude 1wk 6d ago

    I have done what I have said I would do thus far.

    We have contacted lawyers since yesterday despite being in another country to consort of the matter. It appears in Section 10 1(a) and (b) of the laws regarding seeking treatment through court order there is such a link as saying that when someone is posing danger to himself/herself through mental depressive states, one can order them to seek help at mental institutes.

    I know my mom won't go willingly, and since yesterday, 4 faxes have confirmed there are lawyers willing to assist in the family matter, the most I can do now is just wait, and when the documents are done, I will give both of them one last chance to rekindle, or by the case, our family to mend.

    I don't think it will however, my sisters as said, have stopped listening or cared.
    As it is, I am alone and the only one taking all these insults that seem to get harsher and harsher.

  2. Devildude 2wk 0d ago

    I dunno man, it was easier said than done.

    My sisters listened for years and they now are shut off from her because they got tired.

    I suppose it is my turn to do the things, but damn 3 years down the road and I feel I am hitting my limit. All these verbal accuses, all of them hurt me badly.

    But thanks, whatever you have given me as advice, as encouragement, will help.
    I guess I just need to be a bigger man and accept that not everyone can get happy families, it is sad however, they are married for 36 years now, it should be easy for her to understand that Dad has no extra-marital affairs, and if he did he would not have cared for her at all.

    Yet, as it is, it seems my advice, my care for her has fallen on deaf ears and are rebuted with much misguided anger. *sigh...

  3. Devildude 2wk 1d ago

    Ok, after some after thought, to ask for some decent opinions, this is what happened.

    It began about 5 years ago, when mom suddenly riled up something claimed she saw a phone number being dialed through the telephone bill monthly repeatedly belonging (supposedly) to a female person.

    This female person is a friend, back then, she was okay with it, having female friends and what's not. After brief inquiry, mom seemed to have been satisfied with the explanation and left it as such. Approx a month after what happened, she came down with a sickness which can only be so well be explained as 'neurotic disorder and schizophrenic paranoia' which doctors have prescribed some relaxants as the cure-all for her condition thanks to malpractice.

    Now whether or not that cured her remained to be questioned. During this time we visited her every single day, at multiple times, needless to say being away from dad seemed to have only fueled her paranoia and it was at this stage she first began to confide to the eldest of my sisters that she heard things. Dismissing her as being paranoid, my sister was eager to help her go through this, and helped her indeed she has by doing what a good daughter would and confront dad on a potential affair.

    Dad of course, never had any, I mean, would you have any if you spend all the time you can and stay by her side when she gets sick? No, you can't, you can only be in 1 place at 1 time. However, such an explanation did not work and it only bolstered her accusations by giving her 'he is denying things, please investigate' and sis did, trailing my dad whenever he goes out, and acts as a chaperon of sorts, needless to say nothing was ever found.

    Fast forward a year or two, and now we are where I got involved, I was slowly re-attached to my family after my violent streak, it was circa my high school years in 2002 or so, so it wasn't easy, remember I had a juvie record and I was in jail before.

    After jail I took all sorts of routes, and I was very removed from my parents until about 3 years ago, or 5 since I am aware of the situation now. I was confided upon and during these two years a new person came in play. My dad met a female companion with a female child of 15 or 16 or so at his usual breakfast place, which is Coffee Beans. He goes there every morning, with or without mom, needless to say this condition of hers only began to truly deteriorate at this stage and she began to hear her schizophrenic insider informing her of various things they DID NOT do. (she doesn't know at this point that I was aware)

    At first, knowing her condition, dad did what he did, and for the last 2 years, he has bended over backwards to answer to all these requests, starting with 'you should go there less often', to 'you shouldn't go there', to 'please don't see them anymore' to 'DON'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THEM, HATE THEM FOR ALL YOU GOT IF YOU LOVE ME, IF YOU TRULY LOVE ME, HATE THEM!' when in fact, this mother and child who has been frequent visitors to the Coffee Beans only go there because they are fairly well to do and can afford gourmet breakfast at an international chain of coffee stores and because they like dad, like the place and the atmosphere.

    Knowing this, I quickly consoled her, but whatever it was these two years I did, and we did as a family with the aid of my sisters whom are both older than I am, I have seen no result, and it has gotten worse with her neurotic disease now consuming her every fiber of being of any logic, any common sense.

    It was since about last year when she first threatened to commit suicide, and it was a shock, but it was glad we managed to grab her home before extending a curfew on her (enforced by myself despite my unwilling involvement) to stop her from attempting any dangerous acts. She was asked to see a shrink, but it was as before, only the aesthetics of a treatment was given, drugs were all placebos and relaxants. You can't cure depression, paranoia and schizophrenia, you have to heal them from the heart and trust me I and my sisters have done all that we can to aid her in whatever fashion we could.

    Many people have thus far, by friendship of rather deeply involved levels, such as (surprise surprise) Cassie, my sisters, my cousin (whom I am now with in Thailand) and even the auntie and uncle who raised me since I was a child of 2 months old born, have aided her. We listened, we tried to ask her to provide evidence, we have sought all sorts of help and I swear to God, even God has evaded all means of help.

    We have went to mediums, shamans, doctors and wise men, we have seen books, identified with doctors and psychs, but whatever it was, it was no use. At this stage, only recently, she has almost cracked her head open with slamming herself to the wooden cabinet, and it was scary as hell.

    Know that she isn't crazy, she is able to be in logical thought, she could cook, as she can enjoy a good movie now. However, when this personality flares up inside her she has become a demon capable of destroying her own being and she will live to regret it.

    As of most recent, she has been speaking of moving out, but we all know that is not possible. She has never worked before and all her money is directly by all banking common sense, belongs to dad.
    Dad has tried all that he can to help her, he has been a patient man, taking every single insult a man's dignity can endure.

    Dad is near the breaking point and now the boiling point is near.

    Now I know this is nothing that MT can sought out to help on, I probably am just being an actual attention whore so forgive me, it is just that this is so hard on me I am beginning to break. I have never shed a tear since I reached puberty, not even when I was about to die on an operation table with a screwdriver stabbed into me. I don't know how strong I can remain, I don't know if I am doing the right thing.

    At current, me and my sisters are heavily convinced that having her locked up in an asylum is the last resort.

    I know how it feels to be hated, but never have I seen her eyes hate me this much and this happens a month ago while I was at home. She hates her flesh and blood... she hates me and today as I spoke to her (via Skype), or at her, I swear I am trembling within. She thinks she is alone, she thinks everyone is her enemy and I am the biggest betrayer of all time...

    I don't know how much more can I take.

    I am logical, and that is my biggest sin, because to me the most logical step to take now, which is an effective court order to immediately restraint in front of us and behind her back, is my biggest step.

    Please... all that I ask is that someone please, help agree with me, even with whatever strength you can give me in the form of forum postings, I need it.

    I feel pathetic...

    If it wasn't because I have avoided from asking any help until now, I just don't feel comfortable talking about it, but now that you know...

    I am sorry, guys. I know I should not be posting all of this in this cheerful place, but I feel you should somehow be able to give whatever courage I somehow could gather. My relatives have abandoned us as well, nobody wants the trouble, I guess...

  4. Devildude 6wk 5d ago

    I been praying taht one day I can be a hot girl.
    I am just gonna say this out loud: I would so love to be engaging in something ultimately horrible to any girl or woman, yes, sexually so.
    It has been a fantasy, and I think the bigger reason is really just me being bisexually oriented, or pansexual even. Come to think of it, it is actually not a recent thing, I have an issue of self loathe, and that has been plaguing me a lot since a long time.
    I think, if anything, it is a matter of time before I actually go for a sex change.

  5. Devildude 6wk 5d ago

    Occassionally, people have to use one another, it is cogwheel of society and so long it keeps spinning the world will go round.

    Actually, to be honest, it is good to get used, it proves one is useful. Thinking about job markets today I see many new opportunities open up, many of them however, uses a market's weakness to penetrate rather than operate a legitimate business. Think the business of selling energy crystals and health support products.

    A company I know uses Titanium, liquefied (I know that is barely possible these days) as a means to sell their goods which are plastic arm bands 'infused' with titanium. It is supposed to relieve muscular pain and stress, this is the target of the market weakness.

    While one can argue it is the business itself, the weakness is that they target the people today, whom are prone to such pains and stress in the world moving too fast for its own good. This is behavior, it is only natural to use such things to penetrate or create new markets.

    In the case of people to people, you see, these are the same guys doing sales selling you goods you don't need. These are the same people who gave you a deal, but tell you later you have to pay extra in the fineprint. These are the same guys who thinks you are idiots supporting what they sell in their brand.

    The same mindset can be applied to killing and what's not, if you seen something enough, you realized people are being getting used to things like this they don't care if they are supporting or fuelling the flame. In the old days from my time in high school, high school used to be very violent. My school was a violence breeding ground, with daily biker gangs and such riding in and sometimes, every now and then at least, one or two teachers have to get sent to the hospitals for deadly injury.

    This is what I thought then: the same guys who buy and sell shit you don't need is the same guys then gave you violence as a product, because violence is cool, everyone sells you violence as the coat you wear. Wanna join the cool guys? be violent.

    Society functions in a way that pretty much once everyone dons the same costume, it is normal.

  6. Devildude 6wk 5d ago

    Depends, while legalization through laws and conduct is a thing of moral obligations, the same obligations must be considered twice before a person sets out to kill. What does killing accomplish? Can the person killed be used as food? Why kill him if he isn't food? Has the person commited a crime so atrocious that one must act out in vigilantism?

    Reasons can vary, but a reason why we put the execution of the law in officials is because they can do the dirty work of cleaning up after, while us, the people who elect them to work for us should not have to consider such terrible moral judgments. Think killing is easy? It is not.

  7. Devildude 6wk 5d ago

    See this is what happens when the Internet gets serious.

    I find it terribly funny, what can they do if they don't have the fan artists do their work? Half of any proper product in anime today is fuelled by fanwork, disagree? Don't you know i am right.
    Think Clamp, if they aren't supported by fans, where do you think would be? The submission of fanwork is a powerful force pushing forward market buy and produce factors. It is free advertising, to claim a wall of rights against fan and artists who do fanwork is like putting a stop to their own surge of popularity. Then again, Clamp doesn't need any, they are already at Maslow's Hierarchy's 5th stage, which should be self-actualization. It is up to the company now how they drive their futures, I reckon however, they won't stay afloat forever, and when they realize they started the dominoes falling, this should remind them how important it is to kiss the fans back for their support.

  8. Devildude 6wk 5d ago

    Actually, to be honest with you if you are not chinese educated then you best haul your house and network of friends to Chinatown, only then can you learn.
    Chinese letterings are widely varied, between the simple vs traditional is a large business of difference, you are talking about a vocabulary that is irregular and varies in usage in over every province and state, there is no certain way to learn them like systemized languages like French of Spanish, but comparatively it is also more complex and richer in history.

    If you are serious however, learning half heartedly will not work, you must submit yourself entirely to learn the art of speaking chinese.

  9. Devildude 6wk 5d ago

    (words)> coming outta my mouth but nobody is really listening so I will just keep talking and annoy everyone else until they kill themselves.

  10. Devildude 7wk 3d ago

    Found this to be strangely deja vu annoying.
    I purge my notes to zero... logged back in and the same notes repeat themselves...
    what's happening?

  11. Devildude 7wk 6d ago

    I suppose I would request.
    http://h.imagehost.org/t/0318/1252700100877.jpg
    I would like the userpage to be in a neutral apple sort of color, dark red + deep cherry pink. If possible, thick borders for boxes like the post box, and buttons would be nice, as I prefer bigger buttons with ample spacing between each one. My screen resolution is 1280x800 if it matters.

    Not looking for any music of the sorts, I have youtube for that, if you can just give me a color scheme like above, it be great.

  12. Devildude 8wk 0d ago

    Ahhh... I am going to miss the old one.
    It has been five years after all.

    Good call for change, and I support this wholeheartedly.

    Now, if the userbase is to get smarter and everyone be together, I might even return to posting on the forums the first in 3 years. (not including this one)